Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Dear Anyone, (Inspired by Tim O'Brien's The things they carried)

Dedicated to anyone- any person that has ever lived on this planet or will ever live on it and has the human characteristics of being mortal, remembering, forgetting, thinking, desiring and feeling.


If you were to go to a war what would you take with you? Would you take some photo, a piece of clothing, cards, cigars, drugs, ink and paper? What would be the purpose of taking this item with you? Is there any purpose of it in fact?


War is a meaningless experience.
A formal explanation of war: “an organized and often prolonged conflict that is carried out by states or non-state actors. It is generally characterized by extreme violence, social disruption and an attempt at economic destruction”. What is understood by this definition is that the reason why wars are carried out is due to a discrepancy between the views of different states or non-states actors. These people are humans, and as such are limited and may not always see the full picture of things. Thus, the thing they are fighting for may not be something that is entirely good for everyone.
 A vivid example for the meaninglessness of wars is Cold War. Basically, it was a political conflict between communism and democracy. Russia fought for the first one and the United States of America fought for the second one. Both parties believed that the regime they fought for should be followed by the whole world in order to have a better organized society.
In effect none of the regimes won completely. Currently, most of the countries are neither fully democratic, nor fully communistic. Thus, even though both sides considered their view to be the right one, it was right for a certain period of time in a certain area.
The Cold war is not a typical example of a war in terms of the fact that there was no direct fighting, but the causes of the war are usually the same, political, economical or both. The solution that people have found to solve these conflicts is by carrying out a war.
The effects of war are as stated in the formal definition- extreme violence, social disruption, many casualties etc. Thus, war is meaningless as it tries to solve mainly political and economical problems by means of violence and in effect the things that are fought for have no universal significance or impact and pass in usually less than a century.

Goal when being at war

Wars do exist, even though they are meaningless, and many people are drafted to fight to them.
The best thing any human can do while on a war is to survive. So what do you need to take with you in the war? Don’t worry! -The army is so carrying that they will provide you with everything you need for your survival - a gun, a uniform etc.
Every other material thing is dead weight.
If you examine the things people usually take with themselves. The items can be divided into two main categories: sentimental items and items for spending the leisure time. All items…
Sentimental items bring memories back to the soldiers. However, what is the effect they have on the soul of the soldiers? Items might have two effects. The first effect that they might have is to make soldiers nostalgic and remove their focus from the war. This eventually will result into them getting killed. The second outcome of bringing a sentimental item with you is somewhat opposite- it’s to motivate you to be a better soldier and to motivate the others so that you win battles and end the war soon. However, do you really need these sentimental items? Don’t you have the memories in your head? Aren’t there even more accessible to you, since you don’t need light to read letters or to see a photo? So isn’t it better for you to just bring back a memory in your head? You decide…
 The second category contains the leisure activities. When you go to war, you are expected to fight, any distraction might be fatal. Would have Curt Lemon died, if he didn’t get distracted? No! And this is just one example that shows that enemies are everywhere even if they are not. 
An argument against this is that people go crazy if they end up being all alone. A way to solve this is to talk to people. Each person has an unlimited amount of stories to tell or to imagine, a hundred advices to give and a thousand jokes to tell. So people should take this aspect of war, the fact that they will meet people that they would have never expected to meet in war, and use them to their benefit.
  In both cases, when you think of either items taken into war for spending leasure time or just sentimental items, it’s seen that they can all be substituted by the mind, either by talking to other people or by just thinking by yourself.  

“What would you take with you if you were summoned to war?”

The answer that I would give to the question “What would you take with you if you were summoned to war?” would be everything and nothing.


Everything is… Everything are the things I have seen, the items I have felt, the smells I have smelt, the foods and drinks I have tasted, the emotions I have felt, the memories I have stored, the books I have read, the thoughts I have had and that go on in my mind now, the history I carry in my veins...


Nothing signifies the fact that everything I possess will eventually fade.
Nothing signifies that even though I have “everything”, I still know nothing in a larger scale as all of the secrets of the universe are hidden from humans.


The reason why I am carrying this “item” with me is simple- I am a human and as such I posses the quality to see what’s around me with my eyes, to store it in the nerves of my brain afterwards and to make connections between things, which enables me to think and evaluate the surrounding.
The plain fact that I am human also means that sometimes I can forget and that one day or another, my existence in this world will end. 
I am carrying this “item” because I am human. I am also carrying it because I want to, because I have chosen to.
As I said the fact that I’m human makes me to see, hear, touch, smell, taste and evaluate the environment. In this sense, I have been made to carry this everything. In the same time, I know that due to the fact that my brain has a limited capacity. Thus, in the same time that I’m carrying everything, I am also carrying nothing, as compared to the unlimited knowledge of the universe, mine is finite. Furthermore, some beautiful moment, I will die from this world and everything that I have collected in my mind will fade away.  Thus, I have been assigned to carry everything and nothing.
In the same time, I am given the opportunity to choose whether I want to keep everything, or whether I want to give it away. No one is stopping me from committing suicide. What’s more, one of the ethical principles states that if I have a sane mind, I can choose for myself what to do with my self and my body. Thus, in a sense I am given green light to end my life if I chose to.  I am both made to carry everything and nothing, but I can choose whether I want to have everything, or want to be left with nothing, which as Epicurus would say does not matter because I JUST WON’T BE THERE. 

The Burden

Is this human characteristic of having everything and nothing, simply good or simply bad? No, it is not. It is both.
Having a “soul” demands to carry some things. It demands that you feel, you feel both the good and the bad; you think, you think of both good and bad and you also think about the universe, about the meaning of the human life, of the existence of God or about what has created the universe and in fact what’s the purpose of it? And the answers to these questions have remained a mystery and most probably will remain such because science has not progressed enough and most probably will need more time than the time it takes for the Sun to ignite and the human race of this small planet Earth that by some chance managed to synthesize O2 will disappear.
Do I wish to just leave my human nature and stop bothering myself with these questions that cannot be answered? Sometimes I do. I wish to forget the pain, I wish to know it all but realize that I cannot and then I ask myself what’s the meaning?
But then again, what will be left of me if I leave my human nature, I do not know. What I do know is that just this nature will make me understand or not understand what follows death. I will either see the meaning, see what comes after death, or I just won’t because there won’t be anything to understand. I know that there’s no reason to rush into death, because maybe there’s nothing after it and all of my existence might just be here and now. So I want to have the “everything and nothing”, I want to feel and learn.


The weight of the item I will bring with me to war is controversial and depends on the point of view.
A scientist would rationalize this “everything and nothing” and discuss that all of my memories, thoughts, knowledge etc. is stored in the brain and he would say that “everything and nothing” is in fact my brain. Thus, he would say it weights around 1.4 kg. 
To me, on the other hand, the weight of everything and nothing weights more than the whole world. It is everything I have ever known, everything that I will ever learn and what I will ultimately maybe blank out. Thus, to me “everything” is like the vast universe that is ever on expanding until at some moment it collapses and I die, but yet, I may not be certain that I will forget because there still is the opportunity of an afterlife.
If the universe would have to have a viewpoint on the subject or if there truly were a God that created the universe, I believe that the weight of my “everything” 1x10^-(the largest number ever existing), meaning almost equal to “nothing”.
Thus, the weight of everything and nothing can be reduced to zero, considered as everything or just be rationalized to the size of the average human brain.

Where would I be without it?

            “Everything and nothing” is making me human; it makes me who I am.
If I lose both things, it would be like the situation when you divide 0 to 0. It’s a none defined situation.
What is defined is that if I stop carrying everything, I would be a human vegetable- no feelings, no thoughts, no thing.
And if I stop carrying nothing? I would be God.

Overcoming a complex through a metaphysical problem (Essay on Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being)

The term “Electra Complex” was first introduced by Carl Jung in 1913, to describe a psychosexual stage in which a young girl has the desire to compete with her mother and kill her for the love of her father (What Is the Electra Complex?). In such cases girls tend to act as their mothers.  In his book The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera uses the character of Tereza in order to represent a woman who has not overcome this psychosexual stage. She believes on a subconscious level that by proving her mother’s beliefs wrong, she will “kill” her. Thus, she becomes obsessed with her mother’s internal conflict about the relationship body and soul.  Kundera shows how the mother’s life has developed and how Tereza, through accepting the relationship between body and soul, manages to achieve happiness and “kill” her mother.
Throughout life, Tereza’s mother changes her opinion about the duality of body and soul numerous times and finally ends up denying both. Tereza’s mother has been brought up with the idea that she’s beautiful and that she looks like a painting:
When she was three or four, he would tell her she was the image of Raphael's madonna. Tereza's four-year-old mother never forgot it. When as an adolescent she sat at her desk in school, she would not listen to the teachers.” (42).
 This early perception of beauty and sanctity is misunderstood by the mother, and she is convinced that her sole role in life is to be like Raphael’s Madonna: to be beautiful, marry and give birth to a child.  By using the phrase “she never forgot”, Kundera implies these ideas have influenced her life’s decisions, she has not paid attention in her classes because the information she has been taught is useless for her. Nevertheless, she’s deceived by these beliefs.  Indeed they have brought her a husband, but she has realized that it isn’t what she wants: “Like her daughter, Tereza's mother frequently looked in the mirror. One day she discovered wrinkles near her eyes and decided her marriage made no sense”(42).  The mother’s childhood belief that she only needs to be like Raphael’s madonna for a prosperous life, fail her. Thus, she makes faulty analogies that since she got Tereza after marrying and then aged, marriage makes no sense as she is no longer beautiful and can’t  be like Raphael’s madonna. Thus, she demanded to be atoned for her sacrifice:
“She insisted her daughter remain with her in the world of immodesty, where youth and beauty mean nothing, where the world is nothing but a vast concentration camp of bodieswith souls invisible.” (47)
This shows the decision of the woman that the body is nothing special, and since the soul is not seen, it does not matter. Her belief that beauty is all proves to be wrong. Thus, she concludes that the world as a whole has no meaning, since everything changes. Tereza’s mother solves the metaphysical question by denying the body and soul.
Another view of the metaphysical question of the duality of body and soul is that of Tereza, who tries to deny her mother’s beliefs, by proving the connection between body and soul. By proving her mother wrong, she’ll “kill” her, which is a characteristic of the Electra Complex. From an early age, Tereza has been bullied with the belief that the body is not important. Due to the complex, she strives to prove that her body is unlike other bodies: “It was a longing to be a body unlike other bodies, to find that the surface of her face reflected the crew of the soul charging up from below” (47). Tereza starts looking at her body in the mirror, and due to the fact that she’s mentally developing and her figure is also changing, Tereza gets the impression that her physique is a reflection of herself. Even though her body develops, she gets to the point when she faces her mother’s problem: aging. She then posses a question to herself: “And if various parts of her body began to grow and shrink and Tereza no longer looked like herself, would she still be herself, would she still be Tereza? (139) Tereza starts doubting the relationship between body and soul because they are no longer developing together. The difference in the ideas of Tereza and her mother is the fact that the younger one starts believing that body and soul are two separate things but neither of them should be ignored. In the last part of the book Karenin’s Smile, Kundera provides the readers with another resolution that Tereza gets for the metaphysical question. It is that humans are bound to have a superego that makes them feel shame and brings disgust by the fact that they cannot be perfect, and that their body will start to age and retrograde. Tereza comes to this conclusion when she realizes why dogs don’t feel shame from their bodies: dogs were never expelled from Paradise. Karenin knew nothing about the duality of body and soul and had no concept of disgust. That is why Tereza felt so free and easy with him.”(29). Tereza realizes that one of the characteristics of humans that they are disgusted with the body and are constantly thinking about its relationship with the soul. Thus, Tereza comprehends that her obsession is due to the fact that she wants her soul to be “shining” through it.  Even if she at first follows her mother’s path in search of an answer to the metaphysical question, the girl stops as she realizes that a constant conflict between the body and soul is grounded in humans, and it prevents them from being happy, however, she still wants to prove herself better than her mother.
                Tereza pointing out that she has made better life choices, such as having a better marriage to her mother. Nevertheless, the girl realizes that her obsession with body and soul prevents her from having a good marriage. As stated in the previous paragraph, Tereza wants her body to reflect her soul and thus, when Tomas sleeps with other women, she feels that:
“It lacked the power to become the only body in Tomas's life. It had disappointed and deceived her… If her body had failed to become the only body for Tomas, and thereby lost her the biggest battle of her life, it could just as well go off on its own!” (139).
Again the obsession that Tereza has with her body is seen through this quote. She struggles with the importance of her physical appearance and connects the physical relationship that she has with Tomas to their spiritual relationship. Thus, she concludes that Tomas doesn’t love her, since he cheats on her body (the reflection of self) with other women. Later on in her life, Tereza realizes that her weakness comes from the fact that she’s in a constant struggle to disprove her mother’s belief and to prove to her that she has a healthier relationship as her husband doesn’t cheat on her. Nevertheless, the young woman realizes that Her weakness was aggressive and kept forcing [Tomas] to capitulate until eventually he lost his strength and was transformed into the rabbit in her arms”(310). Tereza understands that her complex is keeping her away from happiness as she tries to make Tomas as weak as she is, rather than becoming strong herself. This is the moment when Tereza comprehends her mistake, trying to prove that her mother’s beliefs and life choices are worse than her own. This has made Tereza’s life a constant struggle within her. She strives to prove to her mother that she has a good marriage, which ends with the young woman’s recognition that her weaknesses and her uncertainties have made Tomas weak. When Tereza comprehends that, she becomes strong and realizes that she’s a different person and she has the right to have her own life and set of beliefs without having to disprove her mother. This realization shows that Tereza has overcame the Electra Complex as she no longer tries to disprove her mother’s life choices and beliefs on body and soul.
The Unbearable Lightness of Being brings up the metaphysical question about the duality of body and soul. In his book, Milan Kundera represents the beliefs of a mother and daughter on this subject throughout their lives. The younger one of them, Tereza, has an Electra Complex that causes her to want to disprove her mother’s beliefs. In the course of her search, Tereza reaches a conclusion that people are bound to think of the question about the duality of body and soul and that is what keeps them from being happy. By having this realization, Tereza overcomes the complex as she realizes she can have her own life and set of beliefs without the need to disproving her mother. Thus, Milan Kundera proves that although seemingly a bad thing, the Electra Complex is an important psychosexual stage, whose overcoming helps people in their psychological development.

 Work Cited:
Kundera, Milan. The Unbearable Lightness of Being. New York: Harper & Row, 1984. Print.
"What Is the Electra Complex?" Psychology. N.p., n.d. Web. 15 Jan. 2014.

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Saturday, 9 August 2014

Пожелание от мен

Пожелавам ви да сте щастливи.
С всяка изминала година осъзнавам, че ставам все по-заета и по-заета и на моменти забравям, че човек живее само веднъж и като остарее, той не си мили толкова много за какво велико откритие е направил, колко пари е спечелил и т.н., а за хубавите моменти, които е преживял,  за интимните моменти прекарани с гаджета, за безбройните часове прекарани в разговори с хора, за които не е знаел, че ще значат толкова много за него, когато са се запознали. Може и да е клиширано, но е така. Всеки път щом подминете някой на улицата вие изпускате една вселена от знания. Замислете се за най-добрия си приятел или приятелка, колко много случайности са довели до вашето запознанство? Така че просто, когато имате възможност не отказвайте да отидете някъде- на парти, на разходка с приятел, който не сте виждали от години, дори и за случаен чат във фейсбук.
Никой не знае къде ще се намира след една, пет или десет години точно в този ден, затова просто трябва да се отдадем на момента, за да не съжаляваме после. А дори и да не съжаляваме, не е в това въпроса, въпроса е в това, че щастието е неизменна част от живота на човек и смисъла на един живот за самия човек, който го е живял е именно щастието. За всички останали, за приятели, познати и непознати, може би смиъла се намира в това, какво ние сме оставили за тях като спомени за хубави моменти, за интересни разговори и дори може би за научни открития, но за нашия личен живот, щастието е най-важното нещо.
Пожелавам ви да се радвате на малките неща. Забелязали ли сте как когато сте били малки сте се радвали на най-малките неща. Нека ви задам още един въпрос- кой е най-хубавият ви детски спомен? За мен това е веднъж, когато дядо ми дойде да ме вземе от детската ми градина и ми донесе шоколадови камъчета. Те много ми харесаха и аз го попитах от къде ги е взел. Отговорът, който аз получих беше: "Отидох на Витоша. Минах през една поляна и една гора и в гората имашее една река, която е специална. В нея има такива камъчета, но не цялата река е пълна с тях. Човек специално трябва да потърси из всички камъчета, за да намери тези шоколадови." В този момент аз останах изумена от това, колко труд е положил дядо ми за да ми донесе тези малки вкусни камъчета. След няколко дни, разбира се разбрах, че това е просто измислена история, но въпреки това, си дадох сметка как дядо ми просто е искал да ме разнообрази, да ме забавлява, да ме накара да вярвам в магията и в красотата на малките неща. Може би от тогава оценявам малките неща в живота, защото преди не много време имаше трагедия в семейството, но такива малки неща ме разсейваха от тъгата. Именно,  когато имах малко аз се научих да ценя и него. И така и до ден днешен сутрин, когато стана и отида в кухнята и видя изгряващото слънце и облаците, обгряни от безбройни краски, аз се спирам и се наслаждавам на тази красота, на тази магия, на това чудо.
Затова просто се радвайте на малките неща, ценете всеки миг, прекаран с някой, ценете малките неща, обичайте и бъдете обичани, но най-вече ви пожелавам да бъдете щастливи.

Saturday, 26 October 2013

One night

The gentle moonlight was falling upon the lonely willow. The velvet black river was smoothly flowing to it and separating in two armlets. Some light green leafs from the tree were splitting up from the branches and were lulling under the moonlight until they fell into the endless abyss. One of the roots of the tree that was covered with moss was reaching towards the water as though trying to touch it. A lonely boat was swaying in the river. 

Saturday, 18 May 2013

They say a broken mirror brings bad luck. In as much as pieces it has broken, you'll have as much as years of bad luck, multiplied by seven. And we all have mirrors in our homes, right? Those mirrors are in fact pieces of a  bigger plates of mirror. So I guess we will live  with bad luck just because of our amour-propre

Wednesday, 8 May 2013

Мъжът на спирката

Още от малка обичам да слушам историите на други хора. Те са толкова интересни и сякаш просто чакат да бъдат чути от някого. В същност от всеки човек има какво да се научи. Замислих се над поредното клише- "Не съди другите, защото не знаеш през какво са преминали" и наистина е така. Всеки си има лоши и добри дни, а пък за всяко нещо си има причина. И днес ми се ще да разкажа историята на един човек, който срещнах на една спирка, прибирайки се от най-добрата ми приятелка. Въпросният човек така и не се представи, но пък аз мога да го опиша. На пръв поглед изглеждаше като поредният човек смазан от обществото, който се е отчаял от живота и съществуването му е просто една поредица от рутинни действия. Мъжът беше с бяла набола брада, синя шапка, изпито лице, риза, която беше леко разгърдена и с цигара, която беше за него просто поредната запалена цигара, от която той не изпитва никакво удоволствие ами просто пуши по навик. Това беше човекът, който аз видях. Аз се бях изолирала както винаги, слушайки музика и бидейки просто един наблюдател на хората около мен. Бях изморена след поредния учебен ден и заради това реших да седна на пейката на спирката. Седнах до един сак, който предположих е на мъжа. Раздърпаният и мръсен сак беше съвсем леко отворен и от него се подаваше бирена бутилка. Аз се загледах в улицата, по-точно в малките камъчета изграждащи улицата. Някак си те винаги са ми напомняли за обществото. Те просто стоят там и изграждат една улица. И както се бях замислила над простотиите, които се случват около мен, изведнъж мъжът се обърна и тръгна да идва към мен. Аз учтиво си свалих едната слушалка и спрях музиката. В този момент чух познатата почти до болка фраза "Извинете, бихте ли ми помогнали?". Отвърнах, че нямам много пари. И тогава мъжът продължи " Не, нямах в предвид пари. Имате ли билет, с който бихте ми услужили." Преди по-малко от месец се бях загледала в един друг мъж, който беше най-вероятно строител или монтьор, защото носеше куфарче с инструменти и държеше един чук в задния джоб на  панталона си. Може и да греша за професията му, но това няма значение в момента. Важното е, че първото нещо, което направи този човек, когато се качи в рейса беше да вземе портфейла си и от едно отделение да внимателно да извади една жълта диплянка с билети. От нея, той не откъсна билет, ами прелисти няколко вече продупчени билети, докато стигна до неизползван и тогава подаде диплянката на една жена, с молбата тя да му продупчи билета. Този човек ми направи много добро впечатление поради простия факт, че той очевидно не беше много заможен, но въпреки това спазваше правилата и беше почти грижовен с билетите.
И сега да се върнем към човекът, който аз срещнах на спирката. Когато чух молбата му, някак си ми стана приятно и бръкнах в джоба си да видя дали имам някакви стотинки, ако не с билет, то поне с пари за билет да му услужа. Намерих един лев и го подадох на мъжа. Той прие парите и ги прибра в джоба си и ми каза, че иска да ми подари книга и вдигна бирената бутилка от сака си. Разкриха се множество книги, чакани да бъдат прочетени. Мъжът ми каза, че това са книгите на дъщеря му- любовни истории. Зачудих се, защо ги носи, но реших да не го прекъсвам. Той предположи, че аз нямам 20 години и аз кимнах потвърдително. Човекът погледна леко в страни и изтръска цигарата си преди да продължи:
" Знаеш ли, вие младите сте много интересни за наблюдаване. Аз някога имах две деца. Но вече имам само едно. Жалко е, защото на 24 не си живял. Това не е живот дори. Нищо не си живял до, а синът ми стана на 24 и изведнъж почина. Беше гаден наркоман."
Очите му изведнъж придобиха едно странно красиво излъчване. Виждаше се бащината любов и тъгата от смъртта на така обичаното до преди няколко години дете. Същевременно се четеше и една омраза, към наркотиците и наркоманите и може би дори имаше някакво чувство на яд и вина към себе си, защото не е успял да спаси собствената си рожба. Човекът се отърси от мисълта за  починалото си дете, обърна се отново към мен и заяви, че иска да ми подари книга. Аз отвърнах, че няма нужда.
"Мога и вино да ти дам. Имам много вино."- Заяви той и тръгна да взима бирената бутилка.
Аз отново отказах. Видях рейса си, а човекът видя зад него своя рейс и ние се сбогувахме.
В превозното средство се замислих, защо съм отказала книгата. Някак си аз го направих почти механично. Наистина аз не харесвах много, много любовни истории, твърде банални са почти винаги и няма много истина в тях. Винаги има едно преувеличение и се набляга на големите събития и хубави моменти или на драмите, които преживяват двойките. В същност би ми харесала любовна история, в която са показани детайлите, малките неща, които са най-важни и истински. Както и да е. Осъзнах, че не съм приела книгата поради мисълта ми, че може би ще му потрябва после тази книга и аз се отнесох мило с него и му дадох пари, но за жалост повечето хора биха искали нещо в замяна.  Човекът може би не го беше осъзнал, но той ми даде много повече от една книга. Вярно, може би тя би ме научила на нещо, но аз видях истинското лице на този човек, разбрах част от историята му, а това беше най-скъпото, което той можеше да ми подари.

Saturday, 6 April 2013

Bullshit. All of this is bullshit. Why do I waste my time with stupid things that make you even blinder for the situation. Everything in this planet is becoming worse by every fucking second. People are dying from hunger and what are we doing now?! Wasting our time and potential with some superficial things- money, expensive clothes. We're measuring everything with money and are forgetting that there's a soul within every body that wants to live. We spent tons of hours in misery. We are weak. We cannot bear a stupid fight with a friend, lover etc. Does it matter? It matters only for our miserable life existence or maybe even not for our whole existence but for some days, then we just forget and even laugh at it after some time has passed. We lose precious time in classes that we shall forget, in watching movies that do not count, in reading fairy tales. I want to do something with my life at last. I want to be strong and stop carrying for all of the daily problems. End.